apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
