she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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