just tell him i said nine months
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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