I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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