I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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