Heybabeimwearingurpanties
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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