I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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