He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
