A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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