You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
