Define "chronic" masturbator.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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