You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
