Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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