I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
