Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This is my gift to your gina
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
