Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
