He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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