I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My vagina just clenched in fear
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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