Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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