i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
