Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
