ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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