fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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