No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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