Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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