I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just want nice things and good sex
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
