so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
