Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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