put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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