I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
