woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
