She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
