So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
