bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
