Cold hands, warm shart.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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