Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
