I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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