you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im six kinds of drunk right now
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
