never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
