forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
