if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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