Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
