He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
