watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
