how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
