Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
