Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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