Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
