I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Boobs are out for the taking
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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