My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Farmville is her only friend.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
