just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
