There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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