Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
