win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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